ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
