you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
