I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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