someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
