I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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