Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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