this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
