You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
this is an emotional support booty call
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
