do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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