We're like a lot better than the average bears
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
accomplished twins. life is a go
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
