I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
