Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
