Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
