Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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