So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
