This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Randomize
