Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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