I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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