he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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