Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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