Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
