I wish I could punch you in the face.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
