Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
