i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
sarcasm needs its own font
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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