he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
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We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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