youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Your cock deserves a montage
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
