I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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