Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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