you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
