Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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