just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize