I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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