It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
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As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
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