You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
