Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
