I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
