Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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