finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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