She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Holy sore nipples Batman
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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