My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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