i'm lost and i look like a hooker
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
