I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
