Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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