In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
