im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I think I won the penis lottery.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
