I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
