did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
