yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
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