was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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