I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
