I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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