the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
