Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Quick, to the slutcave!
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
