it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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