I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
