i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
