I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
