Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
