You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
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I just blew my weed a kiss
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
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I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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