When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
