College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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