It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
