dude i'm inner monologue high
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize