Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
