hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
