I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
