Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
