but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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