dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
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pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
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YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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