Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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