so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
