And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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