he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
