Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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